The Cooper Street Relic

Just another blog from The Republic Of Hespeler

A lot has been made of Karl Kiefer and Gary Price and their excursions on the City Dime, but did you know that they made a humanitarian trip on their own money? It happened last year and has never been reported in either the Cambridge Times or in the Cambridge Advocate, so i thought i would report on what happened as I was witness to this great event.

In an effort to provide relief to a people separated from the rest of their region by a great divide known as the 401, Gary and Karl gathered up needed supplies and perilously travelled into the region know as Hespeler, a land that was in need of being brought into the 21st century. ” These poor souls, there is so much we can do to help them” said Kieffer while surveying the areas bleak landscape. “Just look around, not a good hors d’eouvers to be found, no shining city hall, hell they actually have to go outside to do business, how barbaric” “Nobody should have to live like this” chimed in Price.

” I bet none of these people have even seen a theatre let alone attend a play, or know what a good wine is, let alone drink one in a social gathering”  As they continued along the tour of Hespeler they notice an older building that needed some repair work” it’s a shame that their government has no money available to help fix up such an old historic hotel like the place called Ernie’s” “You would never see that happen in our part of the world’ Exclaimed Councillor Keiffer.

“Always remember to keep conversations light and easy to understand” stated their tour guide who called himself Craig the Teacher ” Talk about where you recently went on holidays, what private schools you went to or some of the great architectural buildings that exist in your land, and if you are at a loss for words just mention how nice the local trailer park looks”

The two Councillors did have some apprehensions about the visit, specifically when the villagers failed to make constant eye contact with them, exchange pleasantries, but most disturbing to them was the apparent lack of fascination of the conversations around them” Perhaps if we knew more of the local lingo, we could have made a bigger difference” was Councillor Price’s feelings.

” The one thing that stood out for me, was not one person was wearing a double breasted suit or expensive shoes, the poor things” was one of Gary’s complaints, ” can you imagine, a striped shirt with no cuffs? appalling” was Keiffers view of things.

Finally their day was done and they felt a sense of pride in giving the local residents tips on how to hold silverware and what wine to drink with certain fish, that both men agreed was readily available from the local river”Some of those fish are huge, they certainly won’t starve over here” was Craig the Teachers statement. As they piled into the Limo that was waiting for them the councilors looked over the area and felt that eventually someone would come to this areas rescue with financial support but both men were still puzzled over the fact that none of the locals seemed to know or care who they were. ” Can you imagine that, until they recognize us they may have problems” and the limo sped out of town, never to be seen again.

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