The Cooper Street Relic

Just another blog from The Republic Of Hespeler

After 30 years of steady employment I now find myself doing what many other Canadians are doing, looking for work. Yes I am a victim of the economy, laid off and over 50 years of age, searching for another job, maybe even another occupation. I mean I have been in the restaurant business for almost 25 years and have done almost everything there is to do in it, I started as a dishwasher, became a cook, Manager, Kitchen Manager, Bartender,Server, I mean, if there is a job in the business I have done it and so I decided to look around and see what is out there.

Let’s face it, a chicken plucker is not for me,hell at my age I couldn’t even catch the suckers most likely. I could pick mushrooms, but I would wind up throwing my back out and I have found out that they are not of the magic kind, so i have no interest in that.

I could perhaps become a flatulence Inspector, i do know a good fart when I smell one, I could become a Locksmith, but with my luck most of my business would be at Seniors residences unlocking handcuffs from the bedposts, and I don’t think i want to see that.

I see looking in the paper that there is an opening for a Janitor in a Porno theatre, that’s a job I wouldn’t want to stick with. There is a personal trainer wanted, Christ, who am i kidding, I can barely motivate myself. There is a medical company looking for a stool sample analyser, there ain’t enough plastic gloves in the world for that job.

I thought about being a Heroin mule, but my friends at the legion reminded me that usually you have to carry the stuff where the sun don’t shine, and I don’t play that game.  A sleep instructor sounds like a good job, that is something i do really well, but apparently you have to stay awake, and that would suck having to watch others sleep.  With the strike at the Ministry of Transport over, I thought i could get a job there, but they tell me that there is no such job available to give Backseat driving lessons.

So my options are limited I guess, but I will keep looking. I wonder if Mayor Craig needs a bodyguard?  Naw, too dangerous, oh well, Wal-Mart could use a friendly greeter like me!  Here’s your cart, now piss off I don’t know where the woman’s sanitary napkins are.( Sorry just practicing)

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